would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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