just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
