I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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