Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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