And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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