That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
