yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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