It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
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Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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