Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
