i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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