what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
