So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
