we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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