Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
