I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
