When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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