dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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