Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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