how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
