Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
