i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
