I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
