They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
