just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
