I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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