ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
