We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
