some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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