I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize