He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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