dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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