there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
