woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
