I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
