I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
