Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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