Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
