did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
