If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
