I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
