Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
