Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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