I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
