I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
