I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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