We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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