how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
