I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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