I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
