Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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