Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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