My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
