have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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