please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
