she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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