All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
