Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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