Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
