the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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