Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
