I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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