He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
