Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Pooping to opera.
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