honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
