My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
