My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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