Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize