It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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