The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
