I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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