I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
